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Last Call Review of draft-halpern-gendispatch-antitrust-08
review-halpern-gendispatch-antitrust-08-genart-lc-hares-2024-06-12-00

Request Review of draft-halpern-gendispatch-antitrust
Requested revision No specific revision (document currently at 09)
Type Last Call Review
Team General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) (genart)
Deadline 2024-06-14
Requested 2024-05-17
Authors Joel M. Halpern , Jay Daley
I-D last updated 2024-06-12
Completed reviews Genart Last Call review of -08 by Susan Hares (diff)
Artart Last Call review of -08 by Julian Reschke (diff)
Secdir Last Call review of -08 by Vincent Roca (diff)
Dnsdir Last Call review of -08 by Geoff Huston (diff)
Dnsdir Telechat review of -09 by Geoff Huston
Assignment Reviewer Susan Hares
State Completed
Request Last Call review on draft-halpern-gendispatch-antitrust by General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) Assigned
Posted at https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/DaTP8WUMdytcEebQVUjHOrT4b_Y
Reviewed revision 08 (document currently at 09)
Result Ready w/issues
Completed 2024-06-12
review-halpern-gendispatch-antitrust-08-genart-lc-hares-2024-06-12-00
I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at

<https://wiki.ietf.org/en/group/gen/GenArtFAQ>.

Document: draft-halpern-gendispatch-antitrust-??
Reviewer: Susan Hares
Review Date: 2024-06-12
IETF LC End Date: 2024-06-14
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary: Excellent work.  My suggestions are editorial 

Major issues:none 
Minor issues:
1. All quotes in sections 2-4 should have specific references to the sections in the documents. 
why: In this document, I suspect IETF people will want to know the sections. 

Nits/editorial comments:

1. section 2.2, Ident quotes for clarity

Old text:/
   The U.S.  Department of Justice says [DOJ] that “the goal of the
   antitrust laws is to protect economic freedom and opportunity by
   promoting free and fair competition in the marketplace.  Competition
   in a free market benefits consumers through lower prices, better
   quality and greater choice.  Competition provides businesses the
   opportunity to compete on price and quality, in an open market and on
   a level playing field, unhampered by anticompetitive restraints.”
   Similarly, the European Commission [EC] states that the purpose of
   its competition law rules is "to make EU markets work better, by
   ensuring that all companies compete equally and fairly on their
   merits" which "benefits consumers, businesses and the European
   economy as a whole."/

indent quotes will clearly specify what US and EC states. 
Also, provide references to quotes for sections.  

#2, Section 2.3, first bullet point, Editorial 

Old text:/
   *  Most acutely, the IETF cannot have anyone who is officially
      representing the IETF, in any capacity, engage in problematic
      antitrust behavior and create liability for the IETF./

editorial suggestion: "Most acutely" is not needed and confuses the sentence. 

2. section 2.3, rework bullet point 2 

old text:/
   *  Additionally, the IETF cannot be a forum where participants engage
      in problematic antitrust behavior, even if direct liability for
      that behavior falls on those participants and not the IETF, to
      avoid reputational harm to the IETF./

new text:/
   *  The IETF cannot be a forum where participants engage
      in problematic antitrust behavior, even if direct liability for
      that behavior falls on those participants and not the IETF.
      Problematic behavior could cause reputational harm to the IETF
      so it must be avoided. / 

3. Section 3, paragraph 1, grammar/clarity 

IMHO, i think you can remove a comma to make it clearer. 

old text:/

   Compliance with the BCPs and other relevant policies that document
   the established rules and norms of the IETF, facilitates compliance
   with antitrust law, as the IETF structure and processes are designed
   to mitigate antitrust risks. /

New text:/
   Compliance with the BCPs and other relevant policies that document
   the established rules and norms of the IETF facilitates compliance
   with antitrust law, as the IETF structure and processes are designed
   to mitigate antitrust risks. /

#4: Section 3, bullet item 4, editorial, 

Joel: I find the ";" in the sentence below confuses the focus of the sentence. 

Current text: /
  *  The IETF's intellectual property rights policies as set forth in
      BCP 78 [BCP78] and BCP 79 [BCP79]; these policies are carefully
      designed to "benefit the Internet community and the public at
      large, while respecting the legitimate rights of others."/
New text (suggestion:/
  *  The IETF's intellectual property rights policies as set forth in
      BCP 78 [BCP78] and BCP 79 [BCP79]. These IETF policies are carefully
      designed to "benefit the Internet community and the public at
      large while respecting the legitimate rights of others."/ 

#5, section 3, item 5, Split sentence 

Old text:/
   *  The established conflict of interest policies, such as the IESG
      Conflict of Interest Policy, the IAB Conflict of Interest Policy
      or the IETF LLC Conflict of Interest Policy, if and when
      applicable./

New text:/
   *  The IETF establishes conflict of interest policies, such as the IESG
      Conflict of Interest Policy, the IAB Conflict of Interest Policy
      or the IETF LLC Conflict of Interest Policy.  These IETF policies
      specify if and when the policies are applicable./

#6, section 4, punctuation 

old text:/

   *  Certain topics that are generally inappropriate for discussion in
      a standards setting environment

   *  The importance of participants obtaining independent legal advice,
      as appropriate

   *  Paths to escalate antitrust-related concerns/

New text:/

   *  Certain topics that are generally inappropriate for discussion in
      a standards-setting environment, 

   *  The importance of participants obtaining independent legal advice,
      as appropriate, and 

   *  Paths to escalate antitrust-related concerns,
/

Another alternative to commas is the use of ";".