Last Call Review of draft-ietf-6tisch-architecture-22
review-ietf-6tisch-architecture-22-opsdir-lc-wu-2019-06-26-00

Request Review of draft-ietf-6tisch-architecture
Requested rev. no specific revision (document currently at 30)
Type Last Call Review
Team Ops Directorate (opsdir)
Deadline 2019-06-26
Requested 2019-06-12
Authors Pascal Thubert
Draft last updated 2019-06-26
Completed reviews Intdir Early review of -19 by Carlos Pignataro (diff)
Iotdir Early review of -19 by Eliot Lear (diff)
Rtgdir Last Call review of -21 by Andy Malis (diff)
Tsvart Last Call review of -20 by Gorry Fairhurst (diff)
Genart Last Call review of -20 by Francis Dupont (diff)
Secdir Last Call review of -21 by David Mandelberg (diff)
Opsdir Last Call review of -22 by Qin Wu (diff)
Secdir Telechat review of -24 by David Mandelberg (diff)
Assignment Reviewer Qin Wu 
State Completed
Review review-ietf-6tisch-architecture-22-opsdir-lc-wu-2019-06-26
Posted at https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/ops-dir/xL5P-jh4d2a68YE50WjlS1FQf1o
Reviewed rev. 22 (document currently at 30)
Review result Has Issues
Review completed: 2019-06-26

Review
review-ietf-6tisch-architecture-22-opsdir-lc-wu-2019-06-26

I have reviewed this document as part of the Operational directorate's ongoing effort to review all IETF documents being processed by the IESG.  These comments were written with the intent of improving the operational aspects of the IETF drafts. Comments that are not addressed in last call may be included in AD reviews during the IESG review.  Document editors and WG chairs should treat these comments just like any other last call comments.

This document describes a network architecture that provides low- latency, low-jitter and high-reliability packet delivery.  It combines a high-speed powered backbone and subnetworks using IEEE
 802.15.4 time-slotted channel hopping (TSCH) to meet the requirements of LowPower wireless deterministic applications.

Major issue:
Not found

Minor issue:
By looking at high level architecture section, it is hard to create a whole picture for what this architecture looks like and how these architecture component can be put together. Also architecture components defined in architecture component section seem not to align with high level architecture section. For Some architecture component,e.g.,Communication Paradigms and Interaction Models, Network access and addressing haven't appeared in the high level architecture first.
A few editorial comments and suggestions
1.Section 1
IT and OT should be part of terminology section too.
2.Section 2
ND-proxying and binding should provide reference,e.g.,RFC4389
3.Section 3
I think Architecture Components
Defined in section 4 should be consistent with high level architecture, e.g.,Network access and Adressing component seems not to be discussed in high level architecture section.
4. Section 3.1 figure1
NME and PCE should be part of terminology section
5.Section 4.3.1.1,1st paragraph
The first sentence should not belong to this section since this  section focuses on introduction of Hard cell.
6.Section 4.3.1.1, Section 4.3.1.2
Two section seesm only to discuss how to use hard cells or soft cell, but doesn't define what it is. Please clarify the difference between hard cell or soft cell
7. Section 4.4
How this section is related to high level architecture described in section 3
8. Section 4.5.3
The content in section 4.5.3 is badly written and hard to understand. By reading the first paragraph of section 4.5.3, it is hard to get sense of what remote monitoring and schedule management means and how reproduced figure 10 is related to remote monitoring and schedule management. How Remote monitoring and schedule management is different from other scheduling mechanism. Please rewrite.
9. Section 7
Too many thanks in the acknowledgment section, suggest to simplify it.
10.Appendix A
not sure the importance of this part and how these related work are related to architecture or section 2.3.  Suggest to remove this appendix or consolidate some text with section 2.3.