Last Call Review of draft-ietf-anima-brski-cloud-13
review-ietf-anima-brski-cloud-13-dnsdir-lc-wicinski-2025-03-01-00

Reviewer: Tim Wicinski
Review Result: Ready, Basically

I have reviewed this document as part of the DNSDIR directorate's
ongoing effort to review all IETF documents being processed by the IESG.  These
comments were written with the intent of improving the operational aspects of
the IETF drafts. Comments that are not addressed in last call may be included
in AD reviews during the IESG review.  Document editors and WG chairs should
treat these comments just like any other last call comments.

First, Russ Housley's genart review should be addressed.

Second,         Mike Ounsworth  did a detailed secdir review, and really dug
into the 2119/8174 normative language topic. Saved me from that

Third, Russ White's rtgdir comments on DHCP and a few other things

I have this overall thing about the terminology in this document.  When I
started seeing terms "Domain" and  "Registrar", I perked up.  But it turned out
these seem to have nothing to do with DNS at all.  I went back and several of
the anima RFCs like 8366 and 8366bis.

Question:  Why not point all references to 8366bis? It's adopted and moving
along?

Question: This document says it "Updates 8995" yet there is no section in the
document with the updates to 8955. This is usually the case.

## 8.2.  Trust Anchors for Cloud Registrar

"DNS name" - you should use "Fully Qualified Domain Name (FQDN)" from 9499
instead

Most of the following are nits:

## 1.1 Terminology

s/value added retailer /value added reseller/

You define "Local Domain" but everywhere in the document you use "local domain"
and actually "local domain Registry" You define "Owner Domain" but you use it
only once.

## 1.2.2.  Bootstrap via Cloud Registrar and Owner EST Service

s/not have yet/not yet have/

Also "EST-Server/EST-Servers" are used in this section only. elsewhere it is
"ESR Server" ## 2.  Architecture

s/involve in the process/involved in the process/

s/ The interation between/ The interaction between/
## 3.2.  Cloud Registrar Processes Voucher Request Message

s/The absense of/The absence of /

## 3.2.3.  Bootstrap via Cloud Registrar and Owner EST Service

you quote "est-domain" here and 4 others places but everywhere else you just
 say est-domain

## 8.  Security Considerations

s/also apply to operation/also applies to the operation/

## 2.1.  Network Connectivity

"There are DHCP options  that a  network operator" -  you should be a bit more
detailed, as in give the readers/