Last Call Review of draft-ietf-aqm-fq-codel-05
review-ietf-aqm-fq-codel-05-genart-lc-davies-2016-03-16-00

Hi, Toke.













I had a look through the updated draft from today (after opsdir
      fixes) and I think it addresses all the issues and editorials that
      I identified in my LC review.  Adding the comments on the state
      diagram is probably OK.  I won't push the idea of capitalising
      quantum etc. any further.










In the light of Brian C's note and his exchange with Dave about
      labels, I think Dave might add a few words about using the label
      as a classification mechanism.   





      I think Dave also wishes to reference the longer version of Paul
      McKenney's SFQ paper, referencing an archive.org link to this
      paper as a long-term stable version.  This would be fine be me.





      In the process of looking at these updates, I spotted a couple of
      nits that I missed on the previous passes:


      s2, para 1:  The phraseology here is not future-proof:


      OLD:


      the AQM working group draft [I-D.ietf-aqm-codel].


      NEW:


      the IETF document [I-D.ietf-aqm-codel].


      END





      s3, para 2 and s4.1, para 2: (same issue in 2 places)


      OLD:


      source


         and destination IP and port numbers


      NEW:


      source


         and destination IP addresses and port numbers


      END





      s4.1, last para:


      Boringly, these ought to have references and an expansion of GRE. 
      I suggest


      OLD:


      The Linux implementation does


         this for common encapsulations known to the kernel, such as
      6in4, IPIP and GRE tunnels.


      NEW:


      The Linux implementation does this for common encapsulations known
      to the kernel, such as 6in4 [RFC4213], IP-in-IP [RFC2003] and GRE
      (Generic Routing Encapsulation) [RFC2890].







END





      s5.6: s/Weighed/Weighted/  (I think).  PS: A ref for WFQ would be:




A. Demers, S. Keshav, and S. Shenker. "Analysis
        and simulation of a fair queueing algorithm.

 In Journal of
      Internetworking Research and Experience, pages 3-26, October
      1990. Also in Proceedings of ACM SIGCOMM´89, pp 3-12.
      










I see you incorporated the opsdir comments - check with Martin
      whether he wants you to publish the updated version before the end
      of last call since it is the day of the IESG meeting.










Thanks,




Elwyn 








      PS


      Toke... your surname is too long!! This is the first draft I have
      noticed that the footer line runs out of space due to a
      combination of a long surname and the long month name.   It is
      particularly noticeable on the new version due to the day number
      taking an extra space. ;-) I don't think we'll bother too much
      about this.





      /E






















Sent from Samsung tablet.










-------- Original message --------




From: Toke Høiland-Jørgensen 

<toke at toke.dk>

 




Date: 13/03/2016 12:19 (GMT+00:00) 




To: Elwyn Davies 

<elwynd at dial.pipex.com>

 




Cc: General area reviewing team 

<gen-art at ietf.org>

,
        

draft-ietf-aqm-fq-codel.all at ietf.org

 




Subject: Re: Gen-art LC review of draft-ietf-aqm-fq-codel-05
      











    Hi Elwyn





    I have now been through your comments and produced an updated
    version of


    the draft. It is available from here:




https://kau.toke.dk/ietf/draft-ietf-aqm-fq-codel-06.html

 (or .txt if
    you


    prefer).





    Most of your comments I have just incorporated (variants of), with a


    single stylistic exception as noted below. I *think* I managed to
    cover


    everything, but I did this in two sittings, so something may have


    slipped through the cracks, I suppose. Let me know if that is the
    case.





    I believe Dave has replied to most of your other comments, so I
    won't go


    through them again unless you point out something I missed. For the
    full


    diff (of the source document), see here:




https://github.com/dtaht/bufferbloat-rfcs/commit/0d7f1963cc27d11129bcb5fe2affb90ebc6e67d3





    Cheers,





    -Toke








    Elwyn Davies 

<elwynd at dial.pipex.com>

 writes:





    > General: It would be helpful to capitalize Quantum throughout
    (or at


    > least from s3 onwards) to emphasise that it is a configured
    value.


    > Likewise Interval and Target parameters. Maybe also Flow and
    Queue as


    > they a defined terms.





    I think this is the only stylistic change I haven't made. I thought
    it


    made it more difficult to read, not less.







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