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Last Call Review of draft-ietf-avtcore-monarch-17
review-ietf-avtcore-monarch-17-genart-lc-shirazipour-2012-08-21-00

Request Review of draft-ietf-avtcore-monarch
Requested revision No specific revision (document currently at 22)
Type Last Call Review
Team General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) (genart)
Deadline 2012-08-02
Requested 2012-07-19
Authors Qin Wu , Geoff Hunt , Philip Arden
Draft last updated 2012-08-21
Completed reviews Genart Last Call review of -17 by Meral Shirazipour (diff)
Genart Telechat review of -18 by Meral Shirazipour (diff)
Secdir Last Call review of -?? by Tina Tsou (Ting ZOU)
Secdir Telechat review of -?? by Tina Tsou (Ting ZOU)
Assignment Reviewer Meral Shirazipour
State Completed
Review review-ietf-avtcore-monarch-17-genart-lc-shirazipour-2012-08-21
Reviewed revision 17 (document currently at 22)
Result Ready with Nits
Completed 2012-08-21
review-ietf-avtcore-monarch-17-genart-lc-shirazipour-2012-08-21-00
I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART,
please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>
.

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may
receive.

Document: draft-ietf-avtcore-monarch-17
Reviewer: Meral Shirazipour
Review Date: 2012-07-31
IETF LC End Date: 2012-08-02
IESG Telechat date: 2012-08-16

Summary:
This draft is almost ready to be published as Informational RFC but I have some
comments.

Nits/editorial comments:

-[Page 5], in the definition of "Transport level metrics", suggestion: please
clarify "packet delay variation", as done in Section 6.
 ex.: "packet delay variation" ----->"packet delay variation (PDV) which could
 be jitter or another metric".

-[Page 5],in the definition of "Application level metrics", "end-to-end"
---->"end to end"  (Note: the rest of the document uses end to end).

-[Page 5],in the definition of "Application level metrics", typo:
"ususally"---->"usually"

-[Page 7], Section 3, "SIP", first occurrence of the word. Suggestion: please
spell out "Session Initiation Protocol (SIP)"

-[Page 7], Section 3.1, suggestion: "shown below"----->"described below", since
Figure 1 is on another page, "describe below" is more suitable than "shown".

-[Page 7], Section 3.1, right after two bullets, suggestion: "RTP
Monitor"----->"RTP monitor", since monitor is small caps throughout the rest of
the document.

-[Page 8], 5 line before last, "see figure 1"---->"see Figure 1"

-[Page 9], Section 3.2 first line, "shown in the Figure 1"---->"shown in Figure
1"

-[Page 9], Section 3.2 line 2, and line 1 of second paragraph, suggestion:
"end-systems"---->"end systems", for consistency with the rest of the document.

-[Page 9], Section 3.2 3rd paragraph, "MCUs", first occurrence of the word.
Suggestion: please spell out "Multipoint Control Units (MCUs)".

-[Page 9], Section 3.2 3rd paragraph, "SSRC", first occurrence of the word.
Suggestion: please spell out "Synchronization source (SSRC)"; then [Page
10],"Synchronization source (SSRC)" does not need to be spelled out a second
time.

-[Page 9], last paragraph, 2nd sentence, something is missing before the last
phrase: "..., application level metrics that are reported via some network
management application". Suggestion, add "like":  "..., like application level
metrics that are reported via some network management application"

-[Page 10], Section 4.2, typo: "timly"---->"timely"

-[Page 10] and [Page 13], "VOIP" ------>"VoIP" for consistency.

-[Page 13], Section 5.3, "uses the SSRC of source to bind ": would the wording
"uses the SSRC to bind" be enough?

-[Page 13], Section 5.3, "then forward"---->"then forwards"

-[Page 13], Section 5.4, please remove extra \" after "XR Block"

-[Page 15], line 3, "Section 5.1", should it say "Section 5" ?

-[Page 21], for References to ongoing drafts, please consider not pointing to
specific versions if not needed, or use latest revisions: ex:  "[QOE]", point to

http://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-xrblock-rtcp-xr-qoe

  (v02).
and "[MEASI]", point to

http://tools.ietf.org/html/draft-ietf-xrblock-rtcp-xr-meas-identity

 (v09).

- Overall, suggestion:  First level headings, all words start by Caps.

Thanks,
Meral

---
Meral Shirazipour
Ericsson
Research
www.ericsson.com