Last Call Review of draft-ietf-manet-olsrv2-multipath-12
review-ietf-manet-olsrv2-multipath-12-genart-lc-yee-2017-05-04-00

Request Review of draft-ietf-manet-olsrv2-multipath
Requested rev. no specific revision (document currently at 15)
Type Last Call Review
Team General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) (genart)
Deadline 2017-05-04
Requested 2017-04-20
Authors Jiazi Yi, Benoit Parrein
Draft last updated 2017-05-04
Completed reviews Intdir Telechat review of -12 by Zhen Cao (diff)
Rtgdir Telechat review of -12 by Loa Andersson (diff)
Genart Last Call review of -12 by Peter Yee (diff)
Assignment Reviewer Peter Yee
State Completed
Review review-ietf-manet-olsrv2-multipath-12-genart-lc-yee-2017-05-04
Reviewed rev. 12 (document currently at 15)
Review result Ready with Nits
Review completed: 2017-05-04

Review
review-ietf-manet-olsrv2-multipath-12-genart-lc-yee-2017-05-04

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at

<https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>.

Document: draft-ietf-manet-olsrv2-multipath-12
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: 2017-05-04
IETF LC End Date: 2017-05-04
IESG Telechat date: 2017-05-11

Summary: This Experimental draft is ready with nits.  The draft specifies an interoperable, multipath extension to OLSRv2.  Other than the nits, I find the draft to be a fine experiment to help determine how well OLSRv2 can be improved by allowing multiple, disjoint paths between nodes.

Major issues: None

Minor issues: None

Nits/editorial comments: 

General:

I'd suggesting changing occurrences of "multi-path" to "multipath" for consistency with prior works, including the primary work by the same authors [ADHOC11].

Consider changing "Multi-path Dijkstra Algorithm" to "multipath Dijkstra's algorithm".  In any case, use the name consistently - it varies throughout the document.

Change "Round-Robin" (and variations in capitalization) to "round-robin" throughout the document.

Stick to one capitalization form for "MP-OLSRv2 Routing Process".

Section 10 was not reviewed because it contains RFC Editor instructions to delete it.

Specific:

Page 3, section 1, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after "reliability".

Page 3, section 1, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: delete the leading "The".  Insert "the "before "Multi-path Dijkstra".  [See general comment about hyphenating multi-path].

Page, section 1.1, 4th bullet item: delete the second "the".

Page 4, 1st full paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "Standard" to "Standards".  Delete comma after "Track".

Page 4, 2nd bullet item, 3rd sentence: change "setting" to "applying".  (This is an aesthetics comment - take it or leave it.)

Page 4, 4th bullet item, 3rd sentence: expand acronym "MPR" on first usage and in general do so for all acronyms that would not be immediately obvious to a large audience.

Page 4, 5th bullet item, 4th sentence: delete "the" before "loose".

Page 4, 6th bullet, 3rd sentence: append "parts" after "following".

Page 6, section 3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete both commas.

Page 6, section 3, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "the" before "information".  Insert "a" before "DiffServ".  Change "Code Point" to codepoint.  [RFC 2474 only refers to these a "Code Point" in specific names, but otherwise uses the generic form "codepoint".

Page 6, section 3, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "a" before "new".

Page 6, section 3, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert "the" before "loose".

Page 7, section 4, 3rd bullet item: insert "the" before "shortest".

Page 8, partial paragraph at top: change "as" to "using the".

Page 8, section 5.1, SR_TC_INTERVAL definition: change "a" to "an".

Page 8, section 5.1, SR_HOLD_TIME_MULTIPLIER definition:  change "minimal" to "minimum".  Change "a" to "an" unless that acronym is spoken like a word and not spelled out.

Page 8, section 6, 2nd sentence: delete comma after "datagram".

Page 9, section 6.1, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "MP-OLSRv2".  

Page 9, section 6.1.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change "signalling" to "signaling".  [Other words in the document tend to suggest that the American spellings are being used rather than British forms.]

Page 9, section 6.2.1, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "loose".

Page 10, section 7.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete the comma.  Insert "the" before each of "MP-OLSRv2" and "OLSRv2".

Page 11, section 8, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "topology".

Page 11, section 8, 3rd sentence: change "between" to "from the".

Page 11, section 8.1, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "SR_TC_INTERVAL".

Page 11, section 8.1, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete "The".

Page 11, section 8.1, 2nd paragraph, 5th sentence: insert "the" before "SOURCE_ROUTE TLV".

Page 12, section 8.3, 1st bullet item: change "possiblity" to "possibility".

Page 12, section 8.3, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: perhaps change "Or else" to "Otherwise".

Page 12, section 8.4, 1st paragraph: insert "a" before "DiffServ".  Change "Code Point" to "codepoint".

Page 13, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" before "OLSRv2".

Page 13, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "format".

Page 13, the paragraph: insert "the" before "following".

Page 13, last paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "outer" and "source".

Page 14, section 8.5.1, 1st paragraph after the 1st set of bullet items: insert "the" before "SR-OLSRv2".

Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd paragraph after the 1st set of bullet items, 3rd sentence: insert "the" before "OLSRv2".

Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd paragraph after the 1st set of bullet items, 4th sentence: change "much" to "many".

Page 14, section 8.5.1, 3rd paragraph after the 1st set of bullet items: shouldn't this be up to "NUMBER_OF_PATHS" rather than always "NUMBER_OF_PATHS" paths that are created?  Meaning that it's possible the algorithm will not have sufficient disjoint paths to choose from in some (probably degenerate) cases?  Delete the second comma in the sentence.

Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd set of bullet items, 2nd bullet item, 1st sentence: change "A" to "An".

Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd set of bullet items, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "Multi-path".

Page 14, section 8.5.2, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "Multi-path".

Page 15, 1st full paragraph, 1st sentence: change the second occurrence of "Dijkstra" to "Dijkstra's".

Page 15, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: change "is" to "does".

Page 15, 1st paragraph after bullet items, 3rd sentence: change "vetex" to "vertex".

Page 15, 1st paragraph after figure, 2nd sentence: change "of" to "for".

Page 16, 1st sentence: change "Dijkstra" to "Dijkstra's".

Page 16, 1st paragraph after numbered list: insert "the" before "Multi-path".

Page 16, section 8.6, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert "whether" before "the set".

Page 16, section 9, 1st sentence: change "guideline" to "guidelines".

Page 16, section 9, 2nd sentence: delete the comma after "certain".

Page 17, "if id<fe<fp" bullet item: would it make more sense to use "a greater" instead of "more"?

Page 19, section 11, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "Process" to "Processes".

Page 19, section 11, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "be".

Page 19, section 11, 3rd paragraph: append "with" after "As".

Page 19, section 11, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "The" before "MP-OLSRv2".

Page 19, section 11, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "source".

Page 20, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: should "ancient" be "the oldest"?

Page 20, 1st paragraph, 5th sentence: delete comma after "that".  Insert "a" before "large".  Maybe change "initiates" to "sends".  Delete the comma after "which".

Page 24, 1st paragraph after Figure 2, 1st sentence:  insert "the" before "name".  Change "name" to "names".

Page 24, 1st paragraph after Figure 2, 2nd sentence: change "parenthesis" to "parentheses".

Page 24, 3rd paragraph after Figure 2, 3rd sentence: while I understand "punishment", that term hasn't been used previously and might be confusing.  A variant occurs elsewhere in the document.  Consider explaining what you mean by punishment.

Page 24, 2nd paragraph after Figure 3, 1st sentence: change "path" to "paths".  Append "in order" after "paths".

Page 24, 3rd paragraph after Figure 3, 2nd sentence: change "undesired" to "undesirable".