Telechat Review of draft-ietf-netext-wifi-epc-eap-attributes-09
review-ietf-netext-wifi-epc-eap-attributes-09-genart-telechat-yee-2014-08-07-00

Request Review of draft-ietf-netext-wifi-epc-eap-attributes
Requested rev. no specific revision (document currently at 16)
Type Telechat Review
Team General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) (genart)
Deadline 2014-08-05
Requested 2014-07-24
Other Reviews Genart Last Call review of -08 by Peter Yee (diff)
Secdir Last Call review of -08 by Leif Johansson (diff)
Review State Completed
Reviewer Peter Yee
Review review-ietf-netext-wifi-epc-eap-attributes-09-genart-telechat-yee-2014-08-07
Posted at http://www.ietf.org/mail-archive/web/gen-art/current/msg10462.html
Reviewed rev. 09 (document currently at 16)
Review result Ready with Nits
Draft last updated 2014-08-07
Review completed: 2014-08-07

Review
review-ietf-netext-wifi-epc-eap-attributes-09-genart-telechat-yee-2014-08-07

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
<

http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>

Please wait for direction from your document shepherd or AD before posting a
new version of the draft.

Document: draft-ietf-netext-wifi-epc-eap-attributes-08
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: August-6-2014
IETF LC End Date: June-24-2014
IESG Telechat date: August-7-2014

Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication as an Informational
RFC, but has some nits that should be fixed before publication. [Ready with
nits.]

Most of my concerns from the LC review have been addressed very nicely.
Thank you!  Remaining concerns are:

General:

Leave URLs out of RFC references; they aren't included in the current
reference format.  (RFC 5415, for example.)

Nits:

Page 9, Section 5.2, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: I made a suggestion on
adding "value" after "Type field" in my previous review.  That seems to have
been reflected as inserting "value" between "Type" and "field".  I still
stand by my previous recommendation.

Please undo this previously made suggestion:  Page 3, paragraph after the
bullet points, 1st sentence: replace "and" before "EAP-SIM" with a comma.
	After further consideration, I believe my suggestion was in error.

Page 5, Section 3.2, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "an" before the
first occurrence of "MN".

Page 12, Section 6, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change the "a" before "AAA"
to "an", unless the expected reading is "Triple A" or similar.

Page 12, Section 6, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "and" before
"AT_MN_SERIAL-ID".

Page 12, Section 6, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "for" to "to".

Page 14, EPC reference: delete the semicolon. Delete the superfluous quote
and comma following the date.

Page 14, GPRS reference: Delete the superfluous quote and comma following
the date.  I'm also not sure why you dropped the "Stage 2" from the document
title since it does appear on the 3GPP site.