Telechat Review of draft-ietf-netext-wifi-epc-eap-attributes-09
review-ietf-netext-wifi-epc-eap-attributes-09-genart-telechat-yee-2014-08-07-00
| Request | Review of | draft-ietf-netext-wifi-epc-eap-attributes |
|---|---|---|
| Requested revision | No specific revision (document currently at 16) | |
| Type | Telechat Review | |
| Team | General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) (genart) | |
| Deadline | 2014-08-05 | |
| Requested | 2014-07-24 | |
| Authors | Ravi Valmikam, Rajeev Koodli | |
| I-D last updated | 2014-08-07 | |
| Completed reviews |
Genart Last Call review of -08
by Peter E. Yee
(diff)
Genart Telechat review of -09 by Peter E. Yee (diff) Secdir Last Call review of -08 by Leif Johansson (diff) |
|
| Assignment | Reviewer | Peter E. Yee |
| State | Completed | |
| Request | Telechat review on draft-ietf-netext-wifi-epc-eap-attributes by General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) Assigned | |
| Reviewed revision | 09 (document currently at 16) | |
| Result | Ready w/nits | |
| Completed | 2014-08-07 |
review-ietf-netext-wifi-epc-eap-attributes-09-genart-telechat-yee-2014-08-07-00
I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at < http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq> Please wait for direction from your document shepherd or AD before posting a new version of the draft. Document: draft-ietf-netext-wifi-epc-eap-attributes-08 Reviewer: Peter Yee Review Date: August-6-2014 IETF LC End Date: June-24-2014 IESG Telechat date: August-7-2014 Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication as an Informational RFC, but has some nits that should be fixed before publication. [Ready with nits.] Most of my concerns from the LC review have been addressed very nicely. Thank you! Remaining concerns are: General: Leave URLs out of RFC references; they aren't included in the current reference format. (RFC 5415, for example.) Nits: Page 9, Section 5.2, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: I made a suggestion on adding "value" after "Type field" in my previous review. That seems to have been reflected as inserting "value" between "Type" and "field". I still stand by my previous recommendation. Please undo this previously made suggestion: Page 3, paragraph after the bullet points, 1st sentence: replace "and" before "EAP-SIM" with a comma. After further consideration, I believe my suggestion was in error. Page 5, Section 3.2, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "an" before the first occurrence of "MN". Page 12, Section 6, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change the "a" before "AAA" to "an", unless the expected reading is "Triple A" or similar. Page 12, Section 6, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "and" before "AT_MN_SERIAL-ID". Page 12, Section 6, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "for" to "to". Page 14, EPC reference: delete the semicolon. Delete the superfluous quote and comma following the date. Page 14, GPRS reference: Delete the superfluous quote and comma following the date. I'm also not sure why you dropped the "Stage 2" from the document title since it does appear on the 3GPP site.