Last Call Review of draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-
review-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-genart-lc-barnes-2012-03-21-00

Request Review of draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec
Requested rev. no specific revision (document currently at 03)
Type Last Call Review
Team General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) (genart)
Deadline 2012-03-21
Requested 2012-03-09
Authors Syed Raza, Sami Boutros, Carlos Pignataro
Draft last updated 2012-03-21
Completed reviews Genart Last Call review of -?? by Mary Barnes
Secdir Last Call review of -?? by Hilarie Orman
Assignment Reviewer Mary Barnes 
State Completed
Review review-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-genart-lc-barnes-2012-03-21
Review completed: 2012-03-21

Review
review-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-genart-lc-barnes-2012-03-21

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on

Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at

< 

http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.




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Document: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03.txt

Reviewer:  Mary Barnes 




Review Date:  9 April 2012

IESG Telechat Date: 12 April 2012

Summary:  Ready with nits.

Comments: there are some editorial nits, many summarized below.  There are several cases where an article - i.e., "the", "an", etc. is missing.   I believe these can be fixed in AUTH48 and I imagine the RFC editor will catch them. But, if the doc needs any other updates, it would be good to make these fixes at the same time.  




Nits:

-----

Section 1: 

- first paragraph, second sentence is very awkward and could be rewritten something like (unless I've misunderstood the objective of that sentence:




OLD:

   This can be used when it is 

   desired to request all label bindings for a given type of FEC 

   Element, or to release or withdraw all label bindings for a given 

   type of FEC element. 




NEW: 

   This can be used to request, release or withdraw all label 

   bindings for a given type of FEC element.

- second paragraph, last sentence - missing articles (PWID, same)




OLD:

   The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for PWid and  

   Generalized PWid FEC Elements are same as described in [RFC5918] for 

   any typed wildcard FEC Element type.




NEW: 

   The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for the PWid and  

   Generalized PWid FEC Elements are the same as described in [RFC5918] for 

   any typed wildcard FEC Element type.




Section 3:

- third paragraph, last sentence before list: 

OLD: 

 provide 

  more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: 

NEW: 

  provide a




  more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: 

- list item 2: "constraint" -> "constrain"

Section 4.1: 




OLD:

 "… had learnt from LSR B over LDP session."

NEW: 

 " … learned from the LSR B over the LDP session."

OLD:

 "…such request…" 




NEW:

 "…such a request…"  OR "..the request…"

OLD: 

 (no stale)

NEW: 

 (not stale)

OLD:

  completes consistency check




NEW:

  completes the consistency check

Section 4.3: 

- first paragraph, last sentence:  

OLD: 

  with large number

NEW:

  with a large number




Section 4.4:

- 1st para, 2nd sentence:

OLD: 

   These procedures use LDP Address Withdraw message

NEW: 

   These procedures use an LDP Address Withdraw message




- 2nd paragraph, last sentence:

OLD:

  This per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages 

NEW: 

  These per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages 




3rd paragraph - 1st sentence:

OLD:

  this document allows use of

NEW: 

  this document allows the use of