Last Call Review of draft-ietf-softwire-map-radius-23
review-ietf-softwire-map-radius-23-genart-lc-halpern-2019-05-17-00

Request Review of draft-ietf-softwire-map-radius
Requested rev. no specific revision (document currently at 26)
Type Last Call Review
Team General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) (genart)
Deadline 2019-05-31
Requested 2019-05-17
Authors Sheng Jiang, Yu Fu, Chongfeng Xie, Tianxiang Li, Mohamed Boucadair
Draft last updated 2019-05-17
Completed reviews Intdir Telechat review of -22 by Bernie Volz (diff)
Opsdir Telechat review of -22 by Al Morton (diff)
Genart Last Call review of -23 by Joel Halpern (diff)
Opsdir Last Call review of -23 by Al Morton (diff)
Secdir Last Call review of -23 by Donald Eastlake (diff)
Genart Telechat review of -24 by Joel Halpern (diff)
Assignment Reviewer Joel Halpern
State Completed
Review review-ietf-softwire-map-radius-23-genart-lc-halpern-2019-05-17
Posted at https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/sIpmBjsNoZkgHnrpYLa_0LhVnBM
Reviewed rev. 23 (document currently at 26)
Review result Almost Ready
Review completed: 2019-05-17

Review
review-ietf-softwire-map-radius-23-genart-lc-halpern-2019-05-17

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

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Document: draft-ietf-softwire-map-radius-??
Reviewer: Joel Halpern
Review Date: 2019-05-17
IETF LC End Date: 2019-05-31
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary:

Major issues:
    Figure 1 of section 3.1.1 and section 3.1.1.3 do not match.   It appears from later text that the problem is simple.  Figure 3.1.1 needs to include, in the portion for the Softwire46-Lightweight-4over6 Attribute, the fact that the Softwire46-BR attribute is permitted there.  Particularly since it is required.
    Section 3.1.4.1 states that the IPv6 prefix is 128 bits.  It also points to RFC 8044 section 3.10.  Section 3.10 is quite clear that in order to include the prefix length, the TLV may be longer that 128 bits. (Section 3.1.5.2 correctly uses the ipv6pref type.) Thus, it also appears that the stated TLV length is wrong.
     Section 3.1.4.2 states that the IPv4 prefix is 32 bits.  It also points to RFC 8044 section 3.11.  Section 3.11 states that the TLV is 48 bits.  Thus, it also appears that the stated TLV length is wrong.

Minor issues:
    I trust that the WG Chairs and document shepherd will work with the authors to reduce the number of front page authors?  I looked in the shepherd writeup to see if there was an explanation of the large number of authors, but did not see one.

    Section 3.1 states that the Softwire46-Configuration Attribute may appear in an Access Request message.  Unlike the later material on multicast, there is no further explanation here of why it might appear, and how it should be processed if it does appear.  It would seem sensible to include this material.

Nits/editorial comments:
    In the description of the entries in table 2 (in section 3.1.2) should the entry for "1" read "1 Mandatory, may occur only once" rather than simply "Mandatory"?