Early Review of draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-04
review-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-04-rtgdir-early-richardson-2015-08-10-00
Request | Review of | draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach |
---|---|---|
Requested revision | No specific revision (document currently at 06) | |
Type | Early Review | |
Team | Routing Area Directorate (rtgdir) | |
Deadline | 2015-08-10 | |
Requested | 2015-08-10 | |
Authors | Mingui Zhang , Radia Perlman , Hongjun Zhai , Muhammad Durrani , Sujay Gupta | |
I-D last updated | 2015-08-10 | |
Completed reviews |
Opsdir Last Call review of -03
by Linda Dunbar
(diff)
Rtgdir Early review of -04 by Michael Richardson (diff) |
|
Assignment | Reviewer | Michael Richardson |
State | Completed | |
Request | Early review on draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach by Routing Area Directorate Assigned | |
Reviewed revision | 04 (document currently at 06) | |
Result | Has nits | |
Completed | 2015-08-10 |
review-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-04-rtgdir-early-richardson-2015-08-10-00
Michael, Thanks very much for the review. Regards, Alia On Sat, Jul 25, 2015 at 8:50 PM, Michael Richardson <mcr+ietf@sandelman.ca> wrote: > > Hello, > > I have been selected as the Routing Directorate reviewer for this draft. > The > Routing Directorate seeks to review all routing or routing-related drafts > as > they pass through IETF last call and IESG review, and sometimes on special > request. The purpose of the review is to provide assistance to the Routing > ADs. For more information about the Routing Directorate, please see > http://trac.tools.ietf.org/area/rtg/trac/wiki/RtgDir > > Although these comments are primarily for the use of the Routing ADs, it > would be helpful if you could consider them along with any other IETF Last > Call comments that you receive, and strive to resolve them through > discussion > or by updating the draft. > > Document: draft-ietf-trill-aa-multi-attach-03.txt > Reviewer: Michael Richardson > Review Date: 2015-07-25 > IETF LC End Date: N/A > Intended Status: Proposed Standard > > Summary: > > This document is basically ready for publication, but could benefit from > some simplication of language. The forest is often lost for the inline > details of the trees. The world would not end if it was published as is. > > > Comments: > > Given that the introduction precedes the glossary, it is very TLA heavy. > I wonder if the Introduction could be simplified, or if it is even > necessary to say so much so precisely. > > Terms that stood out without definition: clumps. > (I suspect that this is a TRILL core term) > > Minor Issues: > > I find that the english is rough in places, perhaps a some words or > half sentences obvious to the authors is missing. e.g. last paragraph > before section 4. Sentences seem needlessly long. > > If I were implementing in an Agile setting, I'd be writing multiple user > stories per sentence. Consider the development manager trying to reconcile > tickets back to parts of the document. > > I'd rather that more periods and more new paragraphs were used to explain > things. I don't consider this an english issue, rather an issue of > too many nested ideas: > (A (and also B (except C (unless D))) then E) > > I think the document was started with the idea of trying to explain why > Option C has been chosen by walking the reader through all the choices, and > comparing them. Yet, that actually isn't what is happening: the options > are > not well enough explained to understand the path not taken. Either say > less > about options A and B, or say more. > > I found section 5 (meeting design goals), while dense, to be very well > written and presented. Kudos. > > No major issues found. > > > > -- > Michael Richardson <mcr+IETF@sandelman.ca>, Sandelman Software Works > -= IPv6 IoT consulting =- > > > >