Last Call Review of draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-system-04
review-ietf-l3vpn-end-system-04-genart-lc-yee-2014-12-09-00
| Request | Review of | draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-system |
|---|---|---|
| Requested revision | No specific revision (document currently at 06) | |
| Type | Last Call Review | |
| Team | General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) (genart) | |
| Deadline | 2014-12-08 | |
| Requested | 2014-11-28 | |
| Authors | Stuart Mackie , Luyuan Fang , Nischal Sheth , Maria Napierala , Nabil Bitar | |
| I-D last updated | 2014-12-09 | |
| Completed reviews |
Genart Last Call review of -04
by Peter E. Yee
(diff)
Secdir Last Call review of -04 by Brian Weis (diff) |
|
| Assignment | Reviewer | Peter E. Yee |
| State | Completed | |
| Request | Last Call review on draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-system by General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) Assigned | |
| Reviewed revision | 04 (document currently at 06) | |
| Result | Ready w/nits | |
| Completed | 2014-12-09 |
review-ietf-l3vpn-end-system-04-genart-lc-yee-2014-12-09-00
I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq> Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive. Document: draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-system-04 Reviewer: Peter Yee Review Date: Dec-8-2014 IETF LC End Date: Dec-8-2014 IESG Telechat date: TBD Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication as a Standards Track RFC, but has some nits that should be fixed before publication. [Ready with nits.] This draft documents a novel means of using XMPP to signal VPN route information between VPN Forwarders and End-System Route Servers for use with BGP IP VPNs. It discussed the requirements on each entity using the scheme. Major issues: Minor issues: Nits: General: Use a comma after i.e. and e.g. General: Data center doesn't require a hyphen. Neither does virtual machine. Wi-Fi does, however. Page 3, definition of End-System, 1st sentence: change "which" to "whose". Page 4, 4th paragraph, last sentence: replace "recur to" with "rely upon". Page 6, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: delete "then". Page 10, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete redundant "the". Page 10, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "mac-" to "MAC ". Change "a IEEE" to "an IEEE". Page 11, figure: this figure needs a caption with a figure number. That will force an increment of all of the following figure numbers as well. Page 16, 1st paragraph after XML, last sentence: change "convinience" to "convenience". Page 16, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: replace the period with a comma and change the following "Even" to lower case to join the following clause to the sentence. Page 17, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: replace "detemined" with "determined". Replace "an" with "a". Page 17, 5th paragraph, 2nd sentence: replace "mapps" with "maps". Page 18, Section 8, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: change "a XMPP" to "an XMPP". Page 19, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "attachement" to "attachment". Page 20, 1st full paragraph, 1st sentence: I'm not certain, but would inserting "the" before "host" help? Or how about a host number after "host"? Page 20, 7th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "Assuming" to "Assume".