Telechat Review of draft-ietf-multimob-pmipv6-source-08
review-ietf-multimob-pmipv6-source-08-genart-telechat-black-2014-03-21-00

The -08 version of this draft addresses all of the nits noted in the Gen-ART
review of the -07 version.  The -08 version is ready for publication as an
Experimental RFC.

Thanks,
--David


> -----Original Message-----
> From: Black, David
> Sent: Sunday, February 16, 2014 10:23 PM
> To: schmidt at informatik.haw-hamburg.de; shgao at bjtu.edu.cn; hkzhang at bjtu.edu.cn;
> mw at link-lab.net; General Area Review Team (gen-art at ietf.org)
> Cc: Black, David; multimob at ietf.org; Brian Haberman
> (brian at innovationslab.net); ietf at ietf.org
> Subject: Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-multimob-pmipv6-source-07
> 
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
> Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
> 
> <

http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
> 
> Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
> you may receive.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-multimob-pmipv6-source-07
> Reviewer: David L. Black
> Review Date: Feb 16, 2014
> IETF LC End Date: Feb 24, 2014
> 
> Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication, but has nits that
> should be fixed before publication.
> 
> This draft describes multicast support for proxy mobile IPv6.  It assumes
> significant understanding of multicast and specifically the PIM-SM protocol.
> 
> Nits/editorial comments:
> 
> -- Introduction, 3rd paragraph
> 
> Remove the word business from the following text, please:
> 
>              Such approaches (partially) follow
>    the business model of providing multicast data services in parallel
>    to PMIPv6 unicast routing [I-D.ietf-multimob-handover-optimization].
> 
> -- 4.3.1
> 
> The fact that PIM-SM has three phases could be made somewhat clearer here.
> Suggestion:
> 
> OLD
>    The granularity of mobility-related routing
>    locators required in PIM depends on the complexity (phases) of its
>    deployment.
> 
>    The following information is needed for all three phases of PIM as
>    defined in [RFC4601].
> NEW
>    The granularity of mobility-related routing
>    locators required in PIM depends on the complexity (specific phase)
>    of its deployment.
> 
>    For all three phases of PIM deployment (see [RFC4601]), the following
>    information is needed.
> 
> Also, is "deployment" the right word to describe the phases?  It implies
> that not all of the phases need to be present in an implementation or
> used, even if applicable.
> 
> -- 4.3.2 - 4.3.4
> 
> I would also suggest including the names of the phases from RFC 4601 in
> these section titles, e.g.:
> 
> 4.3.2.  Operations of PIM in Phase One (RP Tree)
> 
> -- idnits
> 
> idnits 2.13.01 found an unused reference and a couple of drafts that
> have been updated:
> 
>   == Unused Reference: 'RFC2236' is defined on line 1047, but no explicit
>      reference was found in the text
> 
>   == Outdated reference: A later version (-02) exists of
>      draft-ietf-multimob-fmipv6-pfmipv6-multicast-01
> 
>   == Outdated reference: A later version (-07) exists of
>      draft-ietf-multimob-handover-optimization-06
> 
> Thanks,
> --David
> ----------------------------------------------------
> David L. Black, Distinguished Engineer
> EMC Corporation, 176 South St., Hopkinton, MA  01748
> +1 (508) 293-7953             FAX: +1 (508) 293-7786
> david.black at emc.com        Mobile: +1 (978) 394-7754
> ----------------------------------------------------
>