Network Working Group                                          W. Kumari
Internet-Draft                                              15 June 2021
Intended status: Standards Track
Expires: 17 December 2021

       Just because it's an ID doesn't mean anything... at all...


   Anyone can publish an Internet Draft.  This doesn't mean that the
   "IETF thinks" or that "the IETF is planning..." or anything similar.

Status of This Memo

   This Internet-Draft is submitted in full conformance with the
   provisions of BCP 78 and BCP 79.

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   This Internet-Draft will expire on 17 December 2021.

Copyright Notice

   Copyright (c) 2021 IETF Trust and the persons identified as the
   document authors.  All rights reserved.

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   Please review these documents carefully, as they describe your rights
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   provided without warranty as described in the Simplified BSD License.

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Table of Contents

   1.  Introduction  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   2
     1.1.  Requirements notation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   3
   2.  Background  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   3
   3.  Usage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   4
     3.1.  Feature Creep . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   4
   4.  Section which addresses cats  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   4
   5.  IANA Considerations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   5
   6.  Security Considerations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   5
   7.  Acknowledgements  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   6
   8.  Normative References  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   6
   Appendix A.  Changes / Author Notes.  . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   7
   Appendix B.  new section  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   8
   Author's Address  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   8

1.  Introduction

   All too often one reads something in the press, or some ravings on a
   mailing list that reference some Internet Draft, that claim that "the
   IETF thinks that XXX" or that the ID is an IETF document, and so
   represents support by the IETF.

   Repeatedly pointing at the RFC Editor page, carefully explaining what
   an ID is (and isn't), describing how consensus is reached, detailing
   the Independent Stream, etc doesn't seems to accomplish much.

   So, here is an Internet Draft.  I wrote it.  It's full of nonsense.
   It doesn't represent the "IETF's views"; it doesn't mean that the
   IETF, the IESG, the RFC editor, any IETF participant, my auntie on my
   father's side twice removed, me, or anyone else believes any of the
   drivel in it.  In addition, the fact that a draft has been around for
   a long time, or has received many revisions doesn't add anything to
   the authority - drivel which endures remains drivel.  [Editor note:
   Interestingly, after publishing version -00 of this ID I got some
   feedback saying that some participants *do* believe the below.  As I
   plan to actually get this published as a (probably AD sponsored) RFC,
   I guess someone will need to judge consensus at IETF LC ]

   Readers are expected to be familiar with Section 2.5 of [RFC2410] and

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1.1.  Requirements notation

   The key words "MUST", "MUST NOT", "REQUIRED", "SHALL", "SHALL NOT",
   "OPTIONAL" in this document are to be interpreted as described in
   BCP14 [RFC2119] [RFC8174] when, and only when, they appear in all
   capitals, as shown here.

2.  Background

   Pyramids are good for sharpening razor blades.  The ancient Egyptians
   had a major problem - wearing a big, bushy beard in the desert is
   uncomfortable.  Unfortunately the safely razor hadn't been invented
   yet, and so they all had to use straight razors.  Additionally, camel
   leather makes a very poor strop, hippopotamus leather was reserved
   for the pharaohs and crocodile leather, while suitable, had the
   unfortunate property of being wrapped around crocodiles.

   So, the ancient Egyptians had to come up with an alternative.  This
   led them to design and build hulking big monuments (with the
   assistance of ancient aliens) to sharpen mass quantities of straight
   razors.  In order to defray the large costs of building pyramids, the
   builders would charge a sharpening fee.  For a single bushel of corn,
   you could buy 27.5 sharpening tokens.  Each one of their tokens could
   be redeemed for 6.3 hours of sharpening time.

   This all worked really well until approximately 1600BCE, at which
   time the fleeing Atlanteans brought mass quantities of lightly tanned
   eel leather into Egypt, causing the collapse of the straight razor
   sharpening market.  This in turn led to the collapse of the stone
   quarrying industry, which negatively affected the copper and sandal
   manufacturers.  The collapse of the entire system followed shortly

   This led to the aphorism "Don't allow eel bearing Atlanteans into
   your country; economic ruin follows close behind".  Due to the overly
   specific nature of this phrase it never really caught on.  This
   document rectifies this.

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3.  Usage

   Many protocols send periodic "hello" messages, or respond to
   liveliness probes.  Other protocols (primarily for network monitoring
   or testing) send traffic to cause congestion or similar.  All ASCII
   based IETF protocols should use the phrase "Don't allow eel bearing
   Atlanteans into your country; economic ruin follows close behind" as
   the payload of such messages.  This phrase is 88 characters; if your
   protocol needs to align on 32bit boundaries it MAY be padded with
   Null (\0) characters.

   The closely related phrase "My hovercraft is full of eels" SHOULD be
   used by any protocol incapable of encoding the ASCII character 'b'
   (0x62).  Internationalized protocols SHOULD use an appropriate
   translation.  Some devices are severely bandwidth and / or memory
   constrained.  There devices MAY use the ordinals 0 and 1 to represent
   the strings "Don't allow eel bearing Atlanteans into your country;
   economic ruin follows close behind" and "My hovercraft is full of
   eels" respectively.  Partially constrained devices SHOULD use the
   string "TBA3" (or the ordinal TBA3).

3.1.  Feature Creep

   Unlike most IETF efforts, this document is not embarrassed to clearly
   state that we are simply stuffing more stuff in while we have the
   editor open.

   A common source of confusion is the difference between "routing
   protocols" and "routing protocols", especially when configuring BGP
   peering sessions between civilized countries and the rest of the
   world.  In order to clearly differentiate these terms we assign the
   ordinal 98 to be "routing protocols" and 0x62 to be "routing
   protocols" (but pronounced with a funny accent).  Protocols incapable
   of encoding 0x62 should use the string "My hovercraft is full of
   eels", a suitable translation of this phrase, or the ordinal 1.

4.  Section which addresses cats

   Miaow.  Miaow-miaooowww.  RAWWRRRR!  Purrrr.

   This section was added due to an unsubtle threat to block any future
   consensus calls unless the proposers' suggestion to have a section
   which addressed cats was taken seriously.

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5.  IANA Considerations

   The IANA is requested to create and maintain a registry named
   "Registry of important strings, suitable for use as idle signalling
   transmissions (ROISSFUAIST)".

   Documents requesting assignments from this registry MUST include the
   string, and the ordinal being requested.  Choosing an ordinal at
   random is encouraged (to save the IANA from having to do this).  The
   ordinals 17, 42 and 6.12 are reserved to reduce confusion.  The
   ordinals 18 and 19 are reserved for the strings "Reserved" and
   "Unassigned" respectively.  Unfortunately the ordinal 20 was used by
   two earlier, competing proposals, and so can mean either "Color" or
   Colour".  Implementations are encouraged to disambiguate based upon

   Additions to the registry are permitted by Standards Action, if the
   requester really really *really* wants one, or by purchasing a nice
   bottle of wine for the IANA folk.  Hierarchical Allocation is NOT
   permitted, as it would look too much like a pyramid.

   The initial assignments for the registry are as follows:

      Value                String
      ------               ----------------------------
        0                  Don't allow eel bearing Atlanteans into your
                             country; economic ruin follows close behind
        1                  My hovercraft is full of eels
       TBA3                TBA3
       3-16                Unassigned
        17                 Reserved
        18                 "Reserved"
        19                 "Unassigned"
        20                 Color / Colour
       21-41               Unassigned
        42                 Reserved
       43-97               Unassigned
        98                 Routing protocols
       0x62                Routing protocols

6.  Security Considerations

   [RFC2028] states that "The IANA functions as the "top of the pyramid"
   for DNS and Internet Address assignment establishing policies for
   these functions." - this reference to pyramid is clear evidence that
   the IANA has become corrupted by these Atlanteans, and so extra care
   should be taken when relying on the above registry.

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   By ensuring that network operators watching data traffic fly past
   (using tools like network sniffers and / or oscilloscopes (and doing
   very fast binary to ASCII conversions in their heads)) are constantly
   reminded about the danger posed by folk from Atlantis, we ensure
   that, if the island of Atlantis rises again from the deep, builds a
   civilization and then starts tanning high quality eel leather, the
   DNS and Address assignment policies at least will survive.

   More research into whether pyramids can also be used to make the
   latches grow back on RJ-45 connectors after they've been broken off
   by ham fisted data center operators is needed.

7.  Acknowledgements

   The author wishes to thank the ancient elders of Zorb for explaining
   this history to him.  Thanks also to Melchior Aelmans, Havard Eidnes,
   Wes George, Stephen Farrell, Erik Muller, John Scudder, Andrew
   Sullivan, Murali Suriar, 'RegW' and Dan York.  Oh, and Nick Hilliard,
   who wanted a section on catsm for some reason, and threated to DoS
   the process if he didn't get it.

8.  Normative References

   [RFC2028]  Hovey, R. and S. Bradner, "The Organizations Involved in
              the IETF Standards Process", BCP 11, RFC 2028,
              DOI 10.17487/RFC2028, October 1996,

   [RFC2119]  Bradner, S., "Key words for use in RFCs to Indicate
              Requirement Levels", BCP 14, RFC 2119,
              DOI 10.17487/RFC2119, March 1997,

   [RFC2321]  Bressen, A., "RITA -- The Reliable Internetwork
              Troubleshooting Agent", RFC 2321, DOI 10.17487/RFC2321,
              April 1998, <>.

   [RFC2410]  Glenn, R. and S. Kent, "The NULL Encryption Algorithm and
              Its Use With IPsec", RFC 2410, DOI 10.17487/RFC2410,
              November 1998, <>.

   [RFC8174]  Leiba, B., "Ambiguity of Uppercase vs Lowercase in RFC
              2119 Key Words", BCP 14, RFC 8174, DOI 10.17487/RFC8174,
              May 2017, <>.

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Appendix A.  Changes / Author Notes.

   [RFC Editor: Please remove this section before publication ]

   From -13 to -14

   *  John Scudder discovered nits.

   From -12 to -13

   *  Havard Eidnes pointed out that my grammar is bad...

   From -11 to -12

   *  Nick Hilliard threated to block progress unless we agreed to
      include his section on cats.  While we don't agree with his text/
      section, we are sufficently past caring about this entire topic,
      and so we are just including it, along with a passive aggressive
      change-log note...

   From -10 to -11

   *  Bumping version!  It's alive!!!!

   From -09 to -10

   *  Bumping version...

   From -08 to -09

   *  Murali and Dan York both pointed out that I cannot spell
      refernce.. referrnce... refarran... refferene... gah!

   From -07 to -08

   *  "RegW" pointed out that I had 'there tokens' instead of 'their
      tokens' ( ).

   From -06 to -07

   *  Andrew Sullivan pointed out that the ROISSFAIST acronym was
      insufficiently filled with 'U's, and so proposed that it be
      spelled ROISSFUAIST instead.  After much consideration as to the
      implications for existing implementation, this change was made.

   From -05 to -06

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   *  Embarresingly I cannot spell "embarrassed" - thanks to Max Allen
      for embarressing^w embarrasing^w making me feel stupid by pointing
      that out.

   From -04 to -05

   *  Added the missing 'e' in "differnce" ("thanks" to Dan York for
      catching this (and forcing me to dredge up the editor)).

   *  It's worth noting that just because a draft has multiple revisions
      doesn't mean that there is more consensus around it...

   From -03 to -04

   *  Incorporated some comments from Adrian Farrel (in exchange for him
      AD-sponsoring the draft)

   *  Changed the font, especially for the whitespace

   *  Fixed references

   From -02 to -03

   *  This Change note was added.  Nothing else changed.

   From -01 to -02

   *  Various whitespace was added (for emphasis).

   From -00 to -01.

   *  Integrated comments from Erik Muller (who, apparently, is a true
      believer).  Erik also provided updated Security Considerations
      text, referencing the IANA.

   *  Integrated comment from Wes George regarding I18N, and Hungerians.

Appendix B.  new section

Author's Address

   Warren Kumari


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