A YANG Network Data Model for Service Attachment Points (SAPs)
draft-ietf-opsawg-sap-15

# Internet AD comments for draft-ietf-opsawg-sap-13
CC @ekline

syntax: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments/blob/main/format.md

## Nits

### S6

* "to which the SAP is attached to." -> "to which the SAP is attached."

Thank you to Ivaylo Petrov for the SECDIR review

** Section 1.
   e.g., to feed an intelligence that

Is the “intelligence” referenced here talking about some autonomous or automated process?

** Section 8.
      This subtree specifies the configurations of the nodes in a SAP
      network model.  Unexpected changes to this subtree (e.g.,
      associating a SAP with another parent termination point) could
      lead to service disruption and/or network misbehavior.

Could “network misbehavior” be described less colloquially?  Is it “configuration of the network inconsistent with the intent of the operator and customer”?

Thank you to the authors for writing this, as well as to Menachem for the OpsDir review.

Thanks for working on this specification. 

I must say, without the right context and knowledge about network topology in this context it is very hard to follow figure 3. A description of the figure or reference of the document one should read to understand the topology would be a great help.

# GEN AD review of draft-ietf-opsawg-sap-13

CC @larseggert

Thanks to Linda Dunbar for the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) review
(https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/ItsyANCW6Oj_lsbpj7gAxWiyOfU).

## Comments

### Inclusive language

Found terminology that should be reviewed for inclusivity; see
https://www.rfc-editor.org/part2/#inclusive_language for background and more
guidance:

 * Term `traditional`; alternatives might be `classic`, `classical`, `common`,
   `conventional`, `customary`, `fixed`, `habitual`, `historic`,
   `long-established`, `popular`, `prescribed`, `regular`, `rooted`,
   `time-honored`, `universal`, `widely used`, `widespread`

## Nits

All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may choose to
address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by
automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so there
will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what you
did with these suggestions.

### Outdated references

Document references `draft-ietf-teas-ietf-network-slices-17`, but `-18` is the
latest available revision.

### Grammar/style

#### "Table of Contents", paragraph 1
```
iew can be used, e.g., to feed an intelligence that is responsible for servic
                               ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
```
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply
"intelligence".

#### Section 2, paragraph 1
```
RFC4026]). Customer Edge (CE): An equipment that is dedicated to a particular
                               ^^^^^^^^^^^^
```
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply
"equipment".

#### Section 2, paragraph 3
```
itch, etc. Provider Edge (PE): An equipment owned and managed by the service
                               ^^^^^^^^^^^^
```
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply
"equipment".

#### Section 5, paragraph 22
```
and its parent interface are present but the parent interface is disabled, t
                                    ^^^^
```
Use a comma before "but" if it connects two independent clauses (unless they
are closely connected and short).

#### Section 10.2, paragraph 29
```
oses, this section focuses on the so called "Option A" but similar examples c
                                  ^^^^^^^^^
```
The expression "so-called" is usually spelled with a hyphen.

## Notes

This review is in the ["IETF Comments" Markdown format][ICMF], You can use the
[`ietf-comments` tool][ICT] to automatically convert this review into
individual GitHub issues. Review generated by the [`ietf-reviewtool`][IRT].

[ICMF]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments/blob/main/format.md
[ICT]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments
[IRT]: https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool