Last Call Review of draft-ietf-ianaplan-icg-response-06
review-ietf-ianaplan-icg-response-06-genart-lc-holmberg-2014-12-09-00
Request | Review of | draft-ietf-ianaplan-icg-response |
---|---|---|
Requested revision | No specific revision (document currently at 10) | |
Type | Last Call Review | |
Team | General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) (genart) | |
Deadline | 2014-12-15 | |
Requested | 2014-11-28 | |
Authors | Eliot Lear , Russ Housley | |
I-D last updated | 2014-12-09 | |
Completed reviews |
Genart Last Call review of -06
by Christer Holmberg
(diff)
Secdir Last Call review of -06 by Sean Turner (diff) Opsdir Last Call review of -06 by Melinda Shore (diff) |
|
Assignment | Reviewer | Christer Holmberg |
State | Completed | |
Request | Last Call review on draft-ietf-ianaplan-icg-response by General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) Assigned | |
Reviewed revision | 06 (document currently at 10) | |
Result | Almost ready | |
Completed | 2014-12-09 |
review-ietf-ianaplan-icg-response-06-genart-lc-holmberg-2014-12-09-00
I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq> Document: draft-ietf-ianaplan-icg-response-06.txt Reviewer: Christer Holmberg Review Date: 9 December 2014 IETF LC End Date: 15 December 2014 IETF Telechat Date: 18 December 2014 Summary: The document is well written, and almost ready. I do have a few editorial comments on the Abstract and Introduction, and a general editorial comment. Major Issues: None Minor Issues: None Editorial nits: General: ---------- Q_1: In Section 2, the IETF reply text sometimes uses "we" to refer to IETF. I think it would be good to say "IETF". For example: "We consider .ARPA part" -> "IETF considers .ARPA part" "...few cases where we may further..." -> "...few cases where IETF may further..." Etc. This may not be seen needed when reading the draft, but it will be useful if e.g. the IETF reply text is quoted elsewhere. Abstract: ------------ Q_2: I think it would be good if the Abstract also would indicate that the LS was primarily sent to ICANN. Currently the text only says that an LS was sent somewhere, and that IETF was invited to reply. Q_3: The last sentence of the Abstract says: "The IETF community is invited to comment and propose changes to this document." It is unclear what "this document" refers to. If it refers to the aggregate proposal mentioned earlier, I think that should be more clear. Introduction: --------------- Q_4: In the 1st paragraph, I think it would be good to indicate that IETF was invited to reply to the LS.