Last Call Review of draft-ietf-radext-radius-extensions-08
review-ietf-radext-radius-extensions-08-genart-lc-shirazipour-2013-01-26-00

Request Review of draft-ietf-radext-radius-extensions
Requested rev. no specific revision (document currently at 13)
Type Last Call Review
Team General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) (genart)
Deadline 2013-01-25
Requested 2013-01-10
Other Reviews Genart Telechat review of -11 by Meral Shirazipour (diff)
Review State Completed
Reviewer Meral Shirazipour
Review review-ietf-radext-radius-extensions-08-genart-lc-shirazipour-2013-01-26
Posted at http://www.ietf.org/mail-archive/web/gen-art/current/msg08130.html
Reviewed rev. 08 (document currently at 13)
Review result Ready with Nits
Draft last updated 2013-01-26
Review completed: 2013-01-26

Review
review-ietf-radext-radius-extensions-08-genart-lc-shirazipour-2013-01-26






I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq> .




 




Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive.




 




Document: draft-ietf-radext-radius-extensions-08




Reviewer: Meral Shirazipour




Review Date: 2013-01-25




IETF LC End Date: 2013-01-25




IESG Telechat date: NA




 




 




Summary:




This draft is almost ready to be published as Proposed Standard but I do have some comments.




 




 




Major issues:




none




 




 




Minor issues:




none




 




 




Nits/editorial comments:




-[Page 6], Section 1.1.1, "One gaol" --typo--> goal




-[Page 7], Section 1.2.  Terminology, ---> first two paragraphs could start with Capital letter like the rest.




-[page 13], Section starting with "Note that [RFC2865] Section 5 says:"----> it seems to have some formatting issue with the end of lines




-[page 13], attribute format Figure is cut at the end of the page. Also Figure captions are a good idea throughout.




-[Page 17], Figure is cut at the end of the page.




-[Page 19], paragraph 3, "these suggestion" ----> suggestions




-[Page 19], Section 2.7.2, "For example, and attribute" ----> an attribute




-[Page 20], paragraph 1, 'wth TLV-Type" ---> with




-[Page 25], Figure is cut at the end of the page.




-[Page 30], "eight (8) less then" ---> than




-[Page 30], Figure is cut at the end of the page.




-[Page 31], "eight (8) less then" ---> than




-[Page 32], "eight (8) less then" ---> than




-[Page 40], "made from from" --typo--> remove one "from"




-[Page 40], "exended space"--typo-->extended




-[Page 41], "and and totals" --typo--> remove one "and"




-[Page 42], Section 7, "will likey"--typo-->likely




-[Page 44], paragraph 4,"The progam has additional" --typo--> program 





-[Page 44], paragraph 4,"comprehensability" --typo--> comprehensibility




-[Page 50], Section 10.3 "perferential" --typo--> preferential




-[Page 55], Appendix A, paragraph 2, "given in Section 8" --nit?--> it should be "Section 9 - Example"





 




Best Regards,




Meral




 




---




Meral Shirazipour




Ericsson




Research




www.ericsson.com